Sue
Twins! (boy & girl)
You are currently anticipating and celebrating the arrival of your twins. However, this didn’t come easily for you. You experienced fertility problems for years. Could you tell us about this?
Like many other hopeful couples, we expected things would work out soon after we began trying. Unfortunately, this was not the case for us. After several months of trying naturally, I approached my regular OBGYN. I learned that, for our health and age range, we had a 90% chance of conceiving naturally within one year. This instilled a renewed sense of hope; and with folders & packets of "conception 101" galore, we continued trying. Unfortunately, this only led to more frustration and disappointment with each passing month. After several failed outcomes from Intra Uterine Insemination at my regular OBGYN, it was recommended we visit a Reproductive Endocrinologist. After several months of testing, baseline ultrasounds, and consultations with specialists, we were ready for InVitro Fertilization. Our disappointing journey towards parenthood continued with several failed IVF's and multiple miscarriages. We made the decision to make one final attempt at IVF with another reputable R.E. in the area. We needed to know that we had done absolutely everything to make our dreams of becoming parents to biological children come true. And... It worked! As I write this, I am reminded of all the emotional, physical, financial and spiritual pain that was endured to get to this amazing point in our lives. We are truly grateful.
How did you maintain a positive outlook as you continued to experience infertility?
This is a difficult question to answer. I truly do not know how I mustered through some days. Baby showers, pregnant coworkers, listening to stories of "oops" pregnancies; it was almost too much to bear at times. I did my best to put one foot in front of the other each day. Of course there were days when I needed to cry and avoid situations that were too emotionally provoking. But mostly, I tried my best to be my true self everyday. I leaned heavily on my husband, mother and best friends. They were amazing healers. My relationship with my husband, in particular, is so much more powerful now than ever before.
Is there any one thing that causes the most infertility? Is there anything women can do to try and prevent infertility?
Since infertility is 1/3 female-based, 1/3 male-based and 1/3 unexplained, it is nearly impossible to "know" your odds until you begin trying to conceive. In addition, many women experience secondary infertility (inability to conceive after their first child) which is equally as frustrating and devastating.
In what ways have you grown positively throughout this time?
I am now aware of my strength. I feel that I was put through some of the most difficult set of challenges and circumstances in my life and I was able to come out a better person. I truly feel that this has made me a stronger wife, friend and ultimately, mother!
If you could give any advice to women out there who are experiencing fertility challenges, what would it be?
Follow your intuition and listen to your inner self. If you aren't getting the assistance you feel you need, seek out another opinion. I was not willing to give up. I spent a portion of almost each day for 3 years either going through a fertility cycle, reading, making/attending appointments, settling insurance issues (ugh!), or talking about my feelings with others. I needed to be "doing something" towards being a parent each and everyday. However, other women prosper from reflection and time off from all the financial, emotional, physical and spiritual burdens. Follow your own pace.
How did you find strength to persevere in situations when you saw friends or other women become pregnant easily?
At first it was easier. I found myself thinking, "Our kids will grow up together! We can experience pregnancy and motherhood together!" I enjoyed throwing baby showers and visiting all my friends' children. However, it became increasingly more difficult with each passing year. I am fortunate to have very empathetic friends and coworkers. I was most comfortable around other women who I was able to be honest with. I found this transparency on both ends to be extremely helpful.
My advise to women struggling with infertility is to feel okay with avoiding "trigger" situations that may induce unwanted feelings of envy or jealousy. A wise woman once told me that "saying 'no' to others is often saying 'yes' to yourself." Once I began applying this wisdom to my life, I found that I was emotionally more healthy.
Do you have any favorite books, resources, support groups, or websites about fertility you feel others would benefit knowing about?
Nationally, I would recommend a national support group called Resolve www.resolve.org. They have web links for helpful information as well as local support groups for infertility, adoption, donor egg cycles, to name a few. Locally (MN), I would recommend Dr. Jeannette Truchsess www.doctorjeanette.net. She follows Dr. Domar's theory of the powerful mind/body connection in relation to fertility. She sees patients individually and also leads a powerful support group for couples based on Domar's research.
What is the one thing you hope to teach your children as they grow?
I hope to teach my children to be individuals. I hope they learn to discover the wonderful things that this world has to offer to them. I hope they learn from both joy and pain. I hope that they can find joy in themselves, each and every day. I feel privileged to be their guide on this journey through life!
